Dive
by Vashagud
Summary: Zack starts to see the not so pretty side of being a soldier, and Sephiroth helps him see things even better. Sephiroth/Zack. M for Sex and Language. Oneshot.


There was a time, in the very beginning of the war, where all he could think about was picking at the crusts and slippery bits of apple inside of his mother's pies. With mud and who knows what else between his toes, he longed for his sheets that smelled like soap, and the soft cheeks and lips of the first girl to lie in them, and make sounds he was glad his parents weren't home to hear. And when he watched as a man fell limp at his feet, his helmet tumbling across the dirt, he just wanted to run to his dad's chair and ask a load of questions, all the same one disguise.

_Can I still be the same, after I've done all this?_

Wutain nights have the blackest skies, since there is no artificial city light, and he thinks of Gongaga because it is very much the same there. And one night when the rain is light and the air is thick with heat, he creeps from his tent to sit by a nearby river. What he used to do at home, when his mind was weighed down, was just jump in, sometimes with his clothes on, and he could figure things out. Standing up, he stared into water that was blacker than the sky above it, more like obsidian in the moonlight, or like the eyes of that young, _young_ Wutain soldier.

And rubbing his face, he realizes that he can't do it. He can't jump in there, not even with his clothes on. He returns to camp, and now on top of everything else that is following him, he has that river.

Every morning he vows to let it go, to accept all of the things most soldiers eventually do. Goddamnit, he is a first class and he should be better with this. Taking life was just one of those possibilities lingering in the job description. He'd known it when he'd signed up. But still, every night he found he was again at that river. Whether he was there to torture himself with the many things it brought to mind, or enter into another few quiet hours of self-deprecation depended on the night.

But he would just stand there, his boots shining up at him in the moonlight, thinking about jumping and knowing that a thought was all it was. What was happening to him? He didn't stand still, he made things happen. But so much of the time, he knew that's what he was doing. Standing still, even when he was moving, doing things he knew he'd beat himself up about later. Standing still and invisible in his dreams on his parent's doorstep, as they looked passed him with hopeful faces, looking for their son.

They wouldn't find him, even if he actually did come home. And sometimes, yeah, he cried. And a bright Tues morning would be one of those days. It was that pitiful, quiet kind. The kind with a lot of irregular breathing, looking over shoulders, and wiping at really persistent tears. It's also the kind he _always_ gets caught doing.

Once he'd had his heart severely broken, and driven over with a big tractor trailer, and he'd been caught by his mother, which wasn't bad considering. But this time, he was caught by Sephiroth. They are pretty close, but it is no less embarrassing. He respects and fears his General, and he is grateful to work under him, kind of humbled too. There are a million things he could say about the man that might make the stars in his eyes just a little more obvious than they already are, so he just settles with fuckin' awesome, and fuckin' dangerous.

It's just never fun to be caught in such a state by someone who is so much of those things, so much more of those things than he ever will be.

"Hey, Seph." he says, makes like he isn't crying, even though they both know he is. And even now, the tears won't stop, and he feels ridiculous. He hears Sephiroth sigh behind him. A long silence ensues.

"Are you finished?" he finally says, dismissive, cold. Zack is shocked because Sephiroth has never been that way with him, even times he might've deserved it. But right now, when what he really doesn't need is words like that, that's what he gets. Zack finds himself straightening up.

"No, I don't think I am." Zack says smartly, as if his crying is something to be proud of. It's the best he can pull off in such a sucky situation.

"You might want to, soon." Zack actually turns around.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he says, and he doesn't care that Sephiroth's eyes flash and his mouth quirks upwards, in what is inexplicably one of the scariest expressions he's ever seen. He doesn't care, because it's not like he went throwing himself into Sephiroth's lap with all his tears and problems. He was having a pathetic private cry, thanks, and Sephiroth was the one who came walking up on him like he was about to be court martialled for crying in the corner of his own damn tent. It wasn't like he was proud of himself.

"I'm only suggesting that you appropriate another time for you self pitying, if you haven't forgotten, we are in the midst of a war."

"Oh that's right. I was beginning to think that I was murdering children for nothing." The was a wild silence in which Zack was sorry for saying it, but realized he would never take it back.

"And what are you doing about that soldier?" Sephiroth's voice was soft, but almost derisively so.

"What?"

"From where I stand Lieutenant, it looks as if the only thing you're doing is holding onto things you will never be able to change. You want to mourn the children, mourn them. You will have to move on eventually, but you never will if you insist on carrying on like this. We are going to win this war, but if you would rather torture yourself instead of doing what you came here to do, you might as well go. This war would never be over if we all did what you are doing right now.

So you can pull yourself together, and we can see an end to this war. Or you can cry, and mourn more children that will inevitably die." Zack was silent, and Sephiroth turned on his heel and left the tent. Somewhere outside, one of the soldiers was loudly losing a game of chess. Wiping the last of his tears away, he fell down on his cot and dreamed not of Gongaga, but of his camp, with it's long dirt trails, and all of the laughter that was halfhearted, but better than the music on the radio.

He wasn't the same. But none of them were, and eventually, just like with everything he was handed, he would learn to make the best of it. And so just like so many of the nights before it, when the sun fell through the bright Wutain twilight, and darkness spread across the sky like ink spilled on paper, again he started for the river. But this time, there was someone standing in his spot. Standing as still as he usually did, was Sephiroth, looking down into the river.

Under the moonlight, he looked even more unreal and Zack watched him turn his head around and look at him. And just like that, Sephiroth turned back around and stepped off the edge into the river, his coat, armor and everything still on. Startled, Zack rushed forward.

"What are you _doing? _Are you okay?_" _Stupid question, Sephiroth could probably take a one hundred foot drop and still not have a hair out of place. Sephiroth turned around in the river, the water coming just up to his pauldrons. Zack knelt at the edge. "What are you doing?" he asked again, more quietly.

"What you've been trying to do for weeks."

"How did you...have you been _watching_ me?" Sephiroth's expression was unreadable.

"The way you have been acting, there was no way I could have been sure you weren't contemplating drowning yourself." he said dryly.

"Oh, so I was on...suicide watch?" Zack dipped a hand into the water, but still made no move to get in. "Would you have tried to save me?"

"That depends." Zack blinked.

"On what?"

"Whether or not you would have been the least successful in drowing yourself in less than six feet of water." Zack crossed his arms and Sephiroth walked through the water towards the other side of the river. Zack tried to follow him along the outer edge, but the land stopped at a certain point and he realized he would have to get in to catch up. He realized Sephiroth's game, and appreciated it, but he kept on seeing those young dark eyes. For a while he stood there watching Sephiroth's back. And then, he found the slightest bit of nerve and closed his eyes. He put his arms in front of him and tumbled into the water.

The submersion was the coldest, and most consuming kind he'd ever experienced. A deep chill shook his bones and made his skin prickle, and he swam towards Sephiroth's direction underwater before completely coming up. He thought it might be altogether creepy, but he found the darkness was pretty comfortable. Finally standing up, the water came to his neck, and he moved the rest of the distance towards Sephiroth, who was looking toward the deeper parts.

"I'm in. Not drowning." Sephiroth turned to him.

"Good. Would you like to go farther?"

"...Huh?" Couldn't he just have this one small victory?

"This part leads to a clearing, just within our borders." Sephiroth turned to him, eyes bright, hair stuck to the metal shoulder guards.

"Isn't that a little dangerous?" he asked. Sephiroth's smile was wry.

"I know this land well enough." Which was basically Sephiroth's way of reminding him who he was. A General who hadn't led them wrong once in the months they'd been there, who probably knew the longitude and latitude of the exact area they were currently standing in. Zack sighed.

"Right." Zack nodded. "Lead the way then."

And so Zack followed Sephiroth into the deeper waters, and found that the swim was not as bad as he had thought. It was actually kind of pretty, with the way the moon was in the sky, and all of the stars casting light, it looked like there were a bunch of misplaced diamonds in the water. Sephiroth swam further ahead, his coat ballooning up above the water, trailing along with that long silver hair that as far as Zack was concerned, gave the moonshine a run for its money.

Sephiroth was like some bright, really agile fish in the dark water. Zack supposed he was more like a flounder in comparison. It was kind of unfair, considering he used to do this at home all the time. Finally the river did begin to open out, and it began to look like a whole dark ocean. And then almost out of no where, he saw the clearing. It was tangle of green vines and leaves, dying trees and new blooms.

"Whoa." Sephiroth looked back at him, already walking out of the water and into the clearing. "How did you find this?"

"I wanted to get to know this land as intimately as I could." They both sat down on the ground. Zack rubbed his arms and Sephiroth stretched his. Zack turned to his General.

"Look, I'm sorry about earlier today. I won't take back what I said, but I should've watched _how_ I said it." Sephiroth nodded.

"Yes, you should've."

"And er...thanks. I'm not exactly saying you should ever start working the motivational speech circuit, but I heard what you said. And I'm going to try." He watched Sephiroth for a reaction but he got none. "Can I tell you something that's probably gonna sound strange?" Sephiroth turned away from watching to river before them to look at him. "For a second, I thought _you_ might be trying to drown yourself, the way you stepped off like that..." Zack exhaled, ran a hand through his hair. "This place is a different kinda hell, but...it'd be completely fucked if you weren't here."

"I don't plan on leaving Zack."

"But it's not exactly up to us is it? What if a giant snake came and...bit your head off in your sleep?" Sephiroth was just a bit surprised to see how distressed the boy was. "You know, theoretically."

"Is this something that particularly plagues you?" Zack frowned.

"I'm being serious here. I've been thinking about this a lot."

"Really."

"No, not like that. You know what I mean Seph." Zack looked at his feet. Thinking about the deaths that had happened at his own hands made him also think of his own, and of his friends' too. All of these things had been clear possibilities when he'd signed up, and yet it seemed like they were only just hitting him now.

"Death is a part of this process. You have to accept it." Zack frowned.

"How can you just..."

"I refuse to coddle you Zack. I've seen what happens to preoccupied men in the feild, and I would rather not see it happen to you. You can ask someone else to indugle you, but I won't be the one." Zack blinked when he realized what was implied there.

"I'm not going to get myself killed, Seph." Sephiroth looked at him.

"With the way you've been behaving, I'm not so certain."Sephiroth peeled his hair away from his face. "It is not something I enjoy being uncertain about." Zack was touched, despite himself. "Can you focus Zack? Is this too much for you?" Zack shook his head.

"No, sir." he smiled. Moved closer towards Sephiroth, beaming now. The General sighed.

"What?"

"I _knew_ you cared."

"Zack-"

"A couple times there I wasn't sure if you just wanted to talk or whip Masamune out and-"

"Oh. I was tempted." Zack raised an eyebrow, and climbed over Sephiroth.

'That hurts." he said, moving Sephiroth's collar down with the one hand he wasn't using to brace himself, kissing the damp skin there as softly as he possibly could.

Sephiroth always tended to be incredibly impatient with these things, and liked to move forward quickly without the gentler stuff, but Zack didn't know another time when the General's eyes would close like that, and his breath would shutter in such a way that told him maybe they needed to spend more time taking it slow.

"Right now?" Sephiroth asked, allowing Zack to push him back into the ground.

"Why not?"

"Well for one thing, we haven't checked the area for any giant snakes." Zack nipped at his ear.

"You're kind of a bastard, you know that?" Zack said, undoing the clasps on his coat. Sephiroth snorted.

"So I've been told." Sephiroth slipped his arms out of his coat. "Take your shirt off."

"But-"

"Now." Sephiroth sat up and Zack removed his shirt.

"Happy?" Sephiroth took him into his lap.

"Exceedingly." Sephiroth ran his open palms down his sides, and any smart remark he had was instantly lost. Zack watched, already hazy, as the moonlight moved across Sephiroth's hair when he went to take one his nipples into his mouth. He grasped a little blindly for the man's shoulders, and used them to pull himself closer to the assault. The when Sephiroth bit down, he nearly choked. "So eager..." Zack fell onto his back and Sephiroth was right there over him, undoing his pants and yanking them down with impressive speed.

"There could be ninjas watching..." he said breathlessly. Sephiroth actually laughed, and it went straight to his groin.

"It is only us here." he said, kissing his bared hip.

"Gaia!" Zack tore are the dirt and baby grass underneath him. "When did you become such a tease?"

"Watching you mostly." Sephiroth moved his mouth lower. "If you could see yourself right now..." Zack was flattered, but he wasn't anything but completely blanked out when Sephiroth abruptly took him into his mouth.

_"Shit." _His stomach completely clenched, and his eyes flew closed. There was that feeling of being very much out of control of his own body, and he rode that first electric spark until Sephiroth squeezed his thigh just tightly enough to hurt a little.

"Open your eyes." When he opened them, he actually kind of wanted to close them again. Watching that mouth, and those eyes...it really wasn't doing anything for his staying power. But because it wasn't a sight to ever turn away from, what he found himself doing instead was moving Sephiroth's hair out of the way so he could see better.

"Oh..._God_..." Just some hours ago, that same mouth had been giving him hell. He swallowed. "Stop." Sephiroth continued though, dipping his tongue into the slit. "Shiva...please...stop..." but his hands were still tangling themselves into his hair. His hips bucked up and Sephiroth held them down.

"Make me." And Zack didn't know where he found the strength, but he really _really_ wanted what was next and he didn't want to be finished before he got that. Sephiroth would fuck him after, either way. But that wasn't exactly what he wanted. With the almost divine self control and strength, he managed to get himself away from that mouth. He could see that Sephiroth was slightly shocked that he had managed, a little pleased too, and he took the moment to get the other man to the ground.

Obviously Sephiroth could throw him off if he wanted, but he made only a minor struggle, just to keep it interesting, and Zack got him down good enough to make a go at the the belts, bells and whistles that were Sephiroth's pants. Sephiroth was rocking his hips up, and resisting with his arms, making it was rather difficult affair. Zack frowned and looked down on him, breathless and hot and just a little annoyed with how pleased Sephiroth looked with himself. Finally getting the man's pants around mid thigh, he grabbed Sephiroth's hair and pulled his head back.

"Do you have to make this so hard?" Sephiroth grabbed an handful of _his_ hair and pulled him closer down towards him.

"Yes, I do." Zack rolled his eyes, and released Sephiroth's hair.

"Bastard." Then he made to enter the General, but he realized he hadn't done any of the preparation, and didn't have any lube on him. "Fuck, do you need..." he hated himself at the moment for forgetting until now, because all he wanted to do right now was one thing. He was so hazy, the greenery was swimming before his eyes.

"Fair, if you don't do it right now, I'm going to fuck you whether you want it or not." Zack's eyes darkened.

"Oh. Well..." Zack uncertainly put his fingers against Sephiroth's mouth.

"Open your _mouth _Sephiroth." The General only smirked and took three fingers in to his mouth, coating them and biting them on the way out. His antics were working him up a bit, but he couldn't deny that he was also helplessly turned on by them. Quickly he coated Sephiroth's entrance as well as he could, tore his pants all the way off after Sephiroth kicked off his boots, and went to enter. But instead he smiled, and stopped. Sephiroth practically scowled, looking even more livid when Zack got up, gathered his boots and pushed them back on his feet. He stood for a few seconds, just to admire Sephiroth only clad in boots. When Zack knelt between his legs again, he seemed to have a better peace of mind.

"Did you think I was joking Zachary?"

"Oh stop complaining, you look good, and you're getting what you want." Zack positioned himself.

"Which is?" Zack pulled one long leg up and over his hip.

"Fucked." With that, he thrust in, seeing nothing but bright light before his eyes. It was so blinding he almost missed the way Sephiroth arched up off of the ground, a sight to undo even the most self controlled man. He started moving and Sephiroth's hips met him perfectly, and he couldn't keep his eyes closed. Sephiroth never closed his eyes during this part, and he watched them go dark as he brought the other leg up and over his hips. With the heels of Sephiroth's boots digging into his lower back, pushing him forward and deeper, he sped up his pace.

Sephiroth was such a control freak, he couldn't just let himself be fucked. It used to wear on him, but the whole thing wasn't really something to complain about, so he usually just did what Sephiroth wanted. Or he decided to surprise. Bending over, he pulled his hair out his eyes and bit down just hard enough on Sephiroth shoulder to get those nearly silent moans a bit more audible. Sephiroth's hand was suddenly at his back, pushing just like his heels were and Zack nearly lost all coordination in his arms at Sephiroth's clenching.

"Seph..." his own voice came out a whimper, and he gave more, because both he and Sephiroth needed it. Closer to the climax, and under the increasingly erratic rhythm of his hips, he listened to Sephiroth hiss and moan, watched him writhe and rock his hips in the sudden and frustrating asynchronous rhythm. Zack hit that one spot, and Sephiroth's eyes did this weird fluttering thing that most post do before topping the floor. Here, in the moment where Sephiroth seemed to have the least control, Zack really watched him.

If anyone had come to him and told him that that was the way Sephiroth moved and looked during sex, that he arched, writhed and pulled his own hair, he might have laughed. Seeing Sephiroth on a normal day, he was the stonefaced, straight-backed prodigious General, not to mention scary. This was almost too much to handle, it was everything it shouldn't have been and it only made his heart race faster. The thing was, even now as Sephiroth did all these things, eyes bright and open, he still was a bit scary.

Sometimes he looked utterly possessed, other times Zack felt like he was about to flipped over and hastily screwed into oblivion. The latter part had happened on more than one occasion. Another violent clench brought him to, and he reached down and took Sephiroth's cock in hand.

One stroke and one more thrust and they were both done. Zack fell to the wet grass in a lifeless heap, unable to make a real sound even as Sephiroth pulled him to his chest. After a while of only heavy breathing, Zack lifted his chin up and kissed his lips.

"That was awesome." Sephiroth smiled and ran a hand down his backside.

"Indeed." He sighed, "We need to return to camp." Zack slung and arm around his waist and looked up at his face.

"Right now?" he asked, his eyelids heavy.

"Soon."

"How soon?" he yawned.

"I think...before the ninja's arrive." Zack gave a jolt before he realized Sephiroth was joking. Zack felt himself already beginning to dream, and he nodded.

"Sure, okay. Before the ninjas arrive."

Author's Note : I'm pretty sure I've screwed up the timeline a bit, but I think the war is pretty instrumental to this particular story so I went with it. Thanks for reading if you did, and I hope it was okay. This is my first time writing an explicit male/male, so I'm definitely interested to see what you all think. Later.


End file.
